Goodbye

I feel like I'm ready to say goodbye to this boring part of my life that I've been living for the past 3 months. But I don't know how to do it.
I want to stop doing nothing with my days but start working towards my dream, but I don't know how to start...What am I supposed to do?

I watch countless YouTube videos of the girls of Little Mix doing sound checks/backstage at concerts and nothing makes me feel more motivated to do that then watching those girls, I just don't know how I'm supposed to get there and I definitely know I don't have the talent to get to where I want to be! I feel like I'm sitting here disappointing people by not having achieved anything yet...I mean I finished school almost 6 months ago and I feel like I'm still waiting for the plate to be delivered to me on how I'm supposed to get to the stage with my guitar and a microphone and an audience who wants to see me perform.

And the longer I sit and think and wait, the more I start to convince myself that it's never going to happen for me, I'm not actually good enough to make it...I'm just going to be one of those 45 year old ladies trying out for X Factor because I failed as a kid. I don't want that at all. And I don't want to enter a career in Makeup Artistry because I failed making into my true passion either. I feel like being a makeup artist would make me happy, but I'd never be truly happy, if you know what I mean. I'd always pine for the stage, for the audience, for the music.

So I repeat, how am I supposed to make it if I can't even think of a way to start? Do I just need someone to help me?

I want YouTube to be a thing for me as well, the desire to be a successful vlogger on that website has grown over the past couple of weeks...But once again that niggling in my mind says to me that I'll never reach 100 subscribers on YouTube, let alone hundreds or thousands and that is something that dampens my happiness a little bit everyday.

I'm scared...is pretty much what I'm saying. I'm scared that I'll end up being a middle aged woman with no husband, no dreams reached and no true happiness.

So if you have any words of advice or wisdom, please inbox them to me on Facebook or Twitter or wherever you feel like. Please. Don't be too scared to if we don't talk ever, just send me words of wisdom to help me...Coz right now at 10:31 on the 10th of April, 2013, I feel lost and unsure of what to do and how to go about achieving my dreams. 

Elise
xx